Only 3 miles away...

Found out today that my ex-husband, (aka asshole,asswipe, dickhead, jackass), is residing in town.  I would have preferred to remain clueless about where he was living.  It makes it easier.  I can then make up excuses in my mind to explain away why he doesn't call his own kids.  Not now...

My ex's son came to watch my son play soccer today.  Braeden was so excited to see him, he ran up for a hug.  It's been awhile since they have seen each other.  Over a year.  Can think of a million excuses about why it's been so long, but none good enough to explain a year.  He gives me hope.  I often worry that Braeden will turn out like his father.  My ex swore up and down he would not be like his dad, he's worse.  Granted, he doesn't physically abuse his kids, but abandoning them is just as bad.  Anyways, his son is back in college and is focused on becoming a physician's assistant.  He is nice to his family, faithful to his girlfriend, and is able to hold down a job.  Already, he's a better man.

During the soccer game, my ex was brought up.  Hard to avoid.  His son asked if the ex has had contact with my kids.  Nope.  Not in two and a half months.  Pathetic; I know.  I told him I didn't even know where he was, thought maybe he had moved out of state again. (hoped may be the better word here).  That's when his son shared that the ex is indeed still living in town, with his mother(my kids grandmother), no less.  Her house is only three miles away from mine.  The cluelessness then vanished and was replaced by an anger so intense, my head felt as if it was going to burst into a million pieces.  My heart followed shortly thereafter.

It hurts in such an undescribable way to know that he is choosing not to see his kids.  See, if he was out of state or locked up, it would be justified in my mind.  Now, it's not.  I try not to think about it too much, but in down moments, BOOM, there it is.  The father of your children lives three miles away with their grandmother and neither of them see two of the most wonderful children in the world.  

I will get past this.  I will accept what he is choosing to do.  I always do.  I move on for the purpose of keeping my sanity.  I move on because it does me no good to dwell on something of which I have no control.  But most of all, I will move on for the sake of my kids.