Faith has been a weird thing to me lately. It has taken on many different looks and various definitions.
My faith remains the same. It has not been tested, but I have been wrestling with what my belief system taught me as a teenager. I remember sitting in my eleventh grade religion class discussing suicide. My teacher, also the school's basketball coach, told all of us that the Catholic church stated anyone who committed suicide went to hell. I questioned it back then, and due to life circumstances, I question it now.
I am going to try and explain this in a way that makes sense.
I don't believe that committing suicide automatically admits you to hell. But I also don't believe that someone who commits suicide is following God's plan. I don't think that God has a plan for us to take our own lives. The struggle I am currently having is with others who view my ex's death as "the Lord calling you to become his angel" or "You were taken from us too early, but it was God's plan". I can't bring myself to believe that either. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my ex's soul in hell; my kids pray every night that their new "angel daddy" watches over them while they sleep. I also don't think he should get a free pass into heaven with all of the pain he left behind.
I have asked my mother and a few of my Catholic friends what they think, because I can't find an answer myself. Here's their take. One, he was mentally ill when he did this, so God forgave him and he is in heaven. Can kinda believe that one because I do think he was quite ill. Two, he is in purgatory. (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a place that is neither heaven nor hell) Sort of okay with that one too. Maybe he needs to be there and see what he left behind and ask for forgiveness before he is granted entrance into heaven. Three, his soul will be forever tortured. Not sure if I like that one either. I do feel he was pretty tortured here on earth, most of it his own doing, but nevertheless, not sure if he should remain forever tortured in death.
I am not really sure anyone can provide me with an answer. The one thought that keeps jumping in my mind is that if I have faith, the answer will show itself somehow, someday, someway.
